This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
