When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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