I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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