Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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