turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
