Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
