im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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