OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drake has all the answers
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