gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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