Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize