You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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