Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
