Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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