I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
