honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
