I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
