My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
