You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
