Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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