I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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