I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
