Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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