before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
