The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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