I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
