Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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