the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
