i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.