Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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