he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?