Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
