We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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