I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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