Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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