My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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