she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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