just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
