You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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