You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
