I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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