He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
