well I can't set my house on fire every night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
