I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
