first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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