went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
where does the pee come out of this thing
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't turn off my feet"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
