she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
being pregnant is like rehab
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
