Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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