they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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