And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
