Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
