i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
