The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
