Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
