I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
