I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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