my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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