i think my mom watched the whole time
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
