my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
