If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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