why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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