if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
