he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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