I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
