The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
