I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
mondays should just be called national damage control day
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
